I really do not like my job.
I’m a child care director at my mom’s center and I dread it. My job basically consists of people putting their stress on me, and as a person who can hardly handle her own, I hate it. From the teachers, to the parents and especially my mom, I am their stress dumpster.
This is most apparent when a parent throws the crying child threw the door and leaves to go enjoy their day off, child free. I am both a little annoyed and a little envious of their freedom. As a parent, I understand we all need a break sometimes. But I definitely feel like a lot of them take advantage of their freedom. As a mom who is pretty much with their child 24/7, I do envy their consistent freedom. I wish I just had 1/2 of it.
As a director, I am annoyed because I wonder if they realize that their kid is just as stressful to us, as they are to them. And to top it off, we have 10 more other stressful kids to take care off, depending on the classroom. Not to say, that all kids are, are a bundle of stress but they are kids. And kids are not easy. Although some are easier than others. So when they come in here 2 mins after we close because they took their sweet time getting here, I am annoyed.
The teachers are probably the least of my stress actually, it’s only when they need time off, is when I feel like they are transferring their stress onto me. Time off for them, often just means more work (and stress) for me. When you’re already close to the edge of insanity, that’s the last thing you need. I understand them needing time off though, and I wish I could afford to give them more but I can’t. I hate having to be the bad guy, I hate what running a business, especially one like this, makes you. I heard one of the girls saying how her aunt was on life support, and my first (maybe second) thought was “oh great, she’s going to need a day off.” I hate that I think like that now.
I see people say that your bosses don’t care about you. That’s not the case, at least not for me. I do care about all of my girls, I just also care about the business, and my mental health. But like I said, the teachers are probably the least of my stress. Everyone understands and plays their role, we make a good team.
My mom though, she likes to dump all her stress on me. Claiming it to be “my job.” And I guess it is, but it’s not one that I want. Working for her, I see first hand what it is to work for someone’s else dream. Or working to make other people rich. It’s not fun. I remind her every chance that I get, that this is her dream, not mine.
To be honest, I feel like if I got paid what I was truly worth, I would enjoy my job more. I make about as much a Target employee but with 5x the responsibility/stress. Which is why I’m constantly trying to find my way out of here. It’s simply not worth it. My mom claims she would pay me more, if I did my job better. I always laugh at that, because to run this business the way she wanted me to, I would need $30 an hour and I know she’s not paying me that. But that’s ok. In a way, I’m happy she doesn’t pay me so much because if I gave my job my all, I would have little to give to my own dreams. And I would probably be comfortable enough that I wouldn’t even seek more.
I’ll admit, that I probably could do more and I do have it made, in a sense. Let my father tell it, I’m sitting on a gold mine. And my mom probably thinks I’m ungrateful because she built a business that I could take over and I don’t even want it. When I share my trouble with my friends or associates, they say the same thing. They all encourage me to make this dream mine. I have tried but every time I do, I feel myself getting too invested and that I am cheating on myself. If I put the effort in to make this place great, I can put that energy towards my own dream, I could make it happen. It’s frustrating.
I just feel so much bigger than this place, I feel like I could be so much more.