Written on March 19, 2020
A love letter to my son.
I’m parked at the place I want to move. I’m trying to manifest a new life for us. I’m listening to Guarding The Gates by Lauren for the 100th time. When she says “don’t you wish you had real love” I think of you.
Because I got real love.
You get on my nerves sometimes but it’s all worth it. You taught me that love is not liking someone all the time, but choosing to love them through every moment, especially the hard ones. Even when I’m having a stressful day, you remind me of what love is. Because you are love son, and you remind me to be love, too.
I don’t like that I owe so much to you. I feel like it gives you too much power lol.
You have changed my views on life. And of people. You are MY child but I feel like I owe YOU. Ain’t that crazy? I wouldn’t say you saved me, but you keep me saved. You are my Achilles heal. you are the only thing that makes me weak. Because I don’t know if I could live without you anymore. How could I? When I’m feeling low, you are the only reason I want to push through. You keep me saved. You keep me here.
The Aquarius in me hates to be so emotionally attached to anything.
I know people look at you and think that I’m lucky. And I am. But they don’t know what it took for me to arrive to you. They don’t know what it cost to be your mother. The pain I had to get through, to be here.
But I credit everything I have been through, to me being here with you now. If you’re my end road, if you’re all that I can leave on this earth, I will die happy. I created light.
You are light on earth my boy!
You are who Sade is singing about when she sings “flower of the universe”. At least, that’s what you are to me.
You are why I can smile in the midst of panic, Eli Ermias, you are my joy.