So I’m listening to an audio book, and I’m trying out the new CBD things I got. These CBD drops I’m using, are definitely a hit.
I feel high, but I’m not? I also feel a lot better, mentally that is. I used to smoke weed to help, but being a mother and all, people get extra judgey, so I’m looking for alternative.
As my mom said, I needed a happy pill. Apparently my grandmother takes them too. Actual pills though, prescribed by a doctor.
I knew this sh*t was hereditary. I was born this way, I’m sure!! Cause honestly, who would choose this?
I have to figure out how to fix this because what if I passed this chemical imbalance down to my son?
So CBD gummies, drops and whatever else they got it is.
I dream of the things I can become if I just figure out how to survive.
I feel like I have been trying to figure this out for years. I know I can be slow, but I can’t be THAT slow because there are people who are in their 50s that still haven’t figured it out. So are we all slow or is this thing (life) hard af!
I be thinking it’s just me. Then I hear others’ stories and I understand the “misery loves company” saying from a different perspective. Oh, life doesn’t just suck for me, it sucks for you too? Great. But actually, not so great.
Why does life have to suck for us? Why can’t we be just as great, even if just as content, as our lives looks on IG
If we can fake it, it must be possible right? Maybe not. I started thinking about the power of invisibility and how they fake that pretty well on TV but I’m 99% sure that’s impossible.
Or is it? Maybe it’s the CBD oil.
Maybe it’s the audiobook I just finished by Jeff Bezos. Invent and Wander.
It reminded to think big. Jeff Bezos thought big and made it happen. But he also had parents who believed in him and invest in his dreams. ;(
I have been wanting to find someone who believes in me and wants to invest in me too.
I have tried and failed (gave up, rather) too many times for my parents to believe in me and invest in my ideas. I don’t blame them. But this time is different, I promise. Lol. So, that’s why I seek outside investment.
Even if it’s just a mentorship, someone who makes sure I keep pushing. I shouldn’t need that. But I feel like I do.
There was a guy I thought I could use as a mentor but he suggested I turn my project into a paper for Christians. And although I love my God (all Gods really, the idea of them and what they do for those who believe). I’m not the ideal Christian, I like to think that I’m a mystic Christian but “real” Christians will think I’m making that up. I like to sin just as much as the next heathen, so would it be fair to run a Christian publication? No. And I definitely wouldn’t be able to share my worst sexual experience in a Christian newspaper, now would I?
Anyways. Apparently I have something to prove everyone. To my parents, to my friends, not my not so friendly friends, to my on lookers, to my Christian folk and to myself.
Again, maybe it’s just this oil.
I really hope this is the cure to the root of my problems. That’s right, just the root because I have 99 problems and I know this isn’t a cure all.
One of my problems is that I don’t know where to start! But I think the key is, just to start. The second key, is to not stop.
Tomorrow, I will start by organizing my work office. It’s hot mess. Hopefully with this CBD OIL and a coffee or Red Bull, I can get it done.
I’ll check in tomorrow.
7:59pm Jan 10, 2021.