Ain’t it Fun.

#songsthathelped

I suck at adulting. Truly.

Being an adult IS NOT FUN. I remember listening to this when I hit rock bottom once upon a time. It helped me escape my reality for 5 mins. I had to listen to it today to distract myself from thinking about an incident that happened at work today, which I talk about below.

Jan 13, 2021

STILL LEARNING.

I have been killing it at work this week and today I started feeling myself a bit. You know how that goes. Start feeling yourself a bit much and life decides to humble you and remind you that you still have a lot to learn. That happened when I had to speak to a parent. I was ready. Confident. “I got this” or so I thought.

This parent was a cop. Yuck. I hate cops but I like her. Maybe because the her I get to talk to is the mom her and not the cop her. But in regards to her son and his bad report, she got all cop like on me. Which as a mother, I understand. My defensives are always up when it comes to my son, no matter who it is or what their intentions are.

All my confidence went away and my inner child came out. She had brought me back down to earth. I was the nervous tween, who is unsure about herself and overly apologetic again.

Hello anxiety.

I thought about the conversation in the car.. while eating dinner and in the shower. So much so, I was about to email her another apology from the shower. “I’m sorry, I should have told you about this problem early. I just didn’t think it was a problem at first” but better worded of course.

Luckily, I didn’t have her email on my phone. Thank God. That might have made things weirder lol.

I don’t even know why I let that one convo bother me so much. It wasn’t even that bad, and it ended good. It was actually only one thing that she said that bothered me, and it’s because it pointed out a flaw on my part. I really hate making mistakes. Especially mistakes that can come back to bite me. Which is why I thought I couldn’t do my job.

I don’t like doing anything I’m not good at. I like writing because I think I’m good at it. I like coming up with ideas because I think I have good ideas. I like putting things together because I’m good at putting things together! You get me?

But I know I will only be good at things, if I keep trying them. I don’t like running the daycare because I feel like I’m not good at it. But today made me see maybe I AM good at but I just suck at communicating. Which is true.

If I could have someone there solely for the purpose of communicating with the parents and teachers, I would be great at my job.

But anyways, that’s a little summary of my day. It was good until it wasn’t… still good overall though.

I am learning life. Still.

– forever a student.

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