The more I write it out, the more I understand the issues I have with my mom.
Like today for example, I was talking to her seriously (not joking at all) and she jokingly tried to pull my wig off as to get me to shut up.
I hate sh*t like that. There’s a time to play and there’s a time to be serious. I always feel like my mom doesn’t understand that and it made me think of her like a child growing up. You know when some kids don’t know how to express the way they feel or can’t comprehend what’s going on and they just keep playing?
Adult: ok this is serious Tommy
Tommy: *runs around in circles, giggling*
Tommy is my mom sometimes.
And nothing pisses me off more than when I’m serious and people want to play.
I can be very playful as well sometimes but I learned the hard way not to play with somebody when they are dead ass serious.
I was in middle school, maybe the 8th grade when I was singing my “when you cry, I cry we cry together” remix of that Ja Rule song to my friend Michelle. Michelle was going through relationship problems, something I knew nothing about because I had not had a bf yet. Well, I was trying to make Michelle feel better by being playful and singing. Michelle had already expressed that she was serious and wanted me to stop singing, but nope, I kept right on. Then she punched me in my jaw. I can’t remember if it hurt or not but my feelings were, lol. That was day I learned my lesson.
My mom clearly hasn’t been punched in the jaw.
There are lots a ways I find my mom childish and also unladylike, lol.
I think all the things I don’t like about myself, I see them in my mother and I blame her for it.
I believe this is the real reason we have issues. I see too much of myself in her and I can’t stand it. Because she is not what I thought a grown ass woman should be and neither am I. I’m such a goof, a little lame, and not as lady like as I would like to be. I see all of this in my mom too.
Why can’t she be better so I can be better? Its also why I’m super annoyed by her being so judgmental towards me because lady, I’m like this because you’re like that.
I hate feeling this way about her though. She’s my mom. Plus what is a grown woman supposed to be like? Why can’t I accept her for who she is? Maybe if I learn to love myself and all my “flaws” I can learn to accept her’s as well.