It’s 2am and I am being mentally tortured by soup.
A few days ago, I sorta went viral on twitter after sharing a situation I went through on my 30th birthday.
Here’s the tweet:
Here’s the whole story;
So if you may or may not know, I work at my mothers daycare. At the daycare, the kids food is catered. Our usual food guy had been out, so they sent another. Our temporary food guy left his number just in case I needed to give him a heads up that our food inspector was there.
He texted me one Sunday just to let me know he’ll still be delivering to us the following week. That conversation led into another. I asked his age, he told me 42. Which I was shocked to find out because he did not look 42 at all.
He asked my age, I told him I’ll be 30 soon. He asked if I had plans, I told him I didn’t. I usually do dinner with my parents on my birthday but my mom was scheduled for a surgery on that day. He suggested a place and I said cool, so we set a date. I was excited because yay, I actually had birthday plans now.
We spoke more that night and he mentioned he was making oxtails, we talked about food and my love of it. The next day, to my surprise, he brought me a bowl. I thought it was so sweet.
That same week, he brought me coffee and another dish he had made. I was thinking I hit the jackpot. A nice, thoughtful guy who can also cook. Hello!
We joked about his Tupperware, and me not returning it. As a continuation of the joke, I bought him a small pack of Rubbermaid Tupperware which was on sale at Target for like $20.
Which is a part I haven’t told anyone because I am too embarrassed to share that I bought Tupperware for a man (after a week) who thought getting me flowers was too intimate for 2 weeks.
His argument is that the Tupperware is really for him to bring me food in, essentially making it for me. But…….. cmon.
Anyways, moving forward to my birthday week. He missed work two days because he was sick, so I was already preparing myself to be disappointed on Friday.
Wed he came to work and things started to look up until he asked me if I can talk (while I was at work btw) I’m thinking maybe he needed to vent about something. Well, he actually wanted to break the news that his grandfather had past and he wouldn’t be able to make it Friday. Not due to his sadness, however. He had already knew this was coming, he had even told me so prior to this conversation. He canceled because he felt it would be wrong to have a good time while his mother was in mourning. He gave me promises that he would make it up.
Ok, I guess that is understandable but I still was crushed. I felt, that by him canceling on my birthday, he was setting the tone for the relationship before one had even officially started. That tone was disappointment. I do know how selfish this may sound but….. hey. I was disappointed but I did understand his reasoning.
My birthday comes, I’m wondering if he’ll do something cute today. He has been so charming so far. We had talked about our love languages, mine being acts of service and gifts. His, words of affirmation. I spoke a little about previous relationships, how I had almost given up on finding the love a desire because I refuse to settle for less that what I felt I deserved. We talked about how he had spoiled me now, that quickly. I told him I was happy because I have always wanted to be spoiled and it felt as though my time had come and I even jokingly mentioned how I would be expecting gifts sent to my job on special occasions. I told him, how my first time receiving flowers from a guy was just last year. In words of affirmation, I told him how appreciative I was of him because he had already made more of an effort in two weeks than some men had done in months. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that.
On my birthday, he texted me saying he left me a bowl of what he made last night. I arrived and seen a small cup (half a cup) of soup on the counter. He had shared the recipe with me a few days before and I told him how I love lentil soup.
I received 3 packages that day and each one I was hoping came from him. By 4:30 I realized, nothing from him was coming. That cup of soup was all I was getting from him.
I was bummed. Now, I know 2 weeks is a short amount of time but does time really matter if you’re into someone? I don’t think I would have even expected something if it had not been for him 1. Canceling on my birthday 2. The discussions we have had about love languages and our expectations. 3. All the subtle hints I dropped.
We talked about it, he apologized. I forgave him. Because maybe I was being harsh. Maybe I was expecting too much, too soon?
Monday came, and I was still hoping he would have seen how much the flowers meant to me and would come on Monday with flowers. He didn’t. I was lowkey disappointed again.
I spoke to someone else about it, and she made a very valid point. She said, a GENTLEMAN would have brought flowers. And that right there is the key. Yes, maybe it would have been to soon for a regular man to send or bring flowers but not a gentleman. A gentleman would have sent flowers to the birthday girl who’s dinner he had to cancel. It would have just been the classy thing to do.
And that’s who I want. I don’t just want a man. I want a gentleman. Why does it seem like men think that all being a gentleman is, is opening your door and being polite.
But it seems that I was right, the tone of disappointment had been set. I wondered how he could be 42 and not married, especially considering that he wants to be married. I think I see why now. I also wondered for what reason would his ex called him a “bum a** n*gga” which when he told me, was an immediate red flag because as a woman, I don’t think we just go around calling men bum a** n*ggas unless they do some bum a** shit. Again, I think I can also see how that makes sense now, too.
Now I’m up, writing this post because I thought I could really like this guy. It just started so promising. He suggested a nice restaurant for my birthday, he goes to church, he cooks, he wants to be married, he brought me food and coffee. It started so promising only for him to completely drop the ball on my birthday.
For a second, I thought maybe I could indeed, have the kind of love I dreamed of. Now I’m back to thinking, I’ll be better off single.