Dating in your 30s is a trip. Because the older you get, the more you know exactly what you’re looking for. And the more I know what I’m looking for, the more I run into guys who are just not it. Although I do think that at a certain point, you become comfortable with just having someone, anyone, as long as you’re not alone.
Thankfully, I have not reached that point yet.
On that note, I took the time to write out a list of exactly what I’m looking for in a man. I broke it down into 3 categories: appearance, personality and the way he treats me.
Here we go.
How he looks:
- He gotta look good… to me. I ain’t got no type.
- at least 5’11 (this is negotiable but please God don’t let me get stuck with a shorty)
- nice smile, the teeth are important.
- has a nice sense of style.
No Aeropostale’s shirts, please.
Who he is:
- I would like a mellow guy. Being the gf of the guy who is the life of the party is not for me, like relax dude. Go sit in a corner and peep the scene. Those are the type of guys who usually catch my eye. (A turn up every now and then is ok though.)
- Humble. I dated this Leo who would let me know how “fly” he was every 5 mins. Hated it there. And he got his shoes from Burlington. (No disrespect to Burlington, I’m just giving you an idea of what I was working with.)
- Respected by his peers and family. Nothing worse than being with the guy who has no respect on his name. People dissing him straight in his face. Ion like that. For him or me, but especially me.
- Respectful to others, especially elders, women and homeless.
- Comes from a kind family. I feel like your family says a lot about who you are.. your character.. your code. And if the goal is to marry, I would like to marry into a family I actually like.
How he treats me:
- Is thoughtful, giving and considerate. I feel like I said the same thing 3 times but I needs all that because I am all that.
- Puts me on a (figurative) pedestal by recognizing and acknowledging the value I bring to his life.
- Is vocal about the way he feels about me (loves me out loud)
- Honors my needs and wants in the relationship, the things I need in order to feel secure and appreciated.
- Is sensual. I never knew how much I enjoyed the touch of a sensual man until recently. Physical touch is a love language that speaks to the pits of my stomach. I feel like most men don’t know how to touch you unless you’re in a bedroom (and even then, they rarely know what they are doing) but to just be talking to your S/O while they rub your back is everything that I need. Please and thank you.
- Pays attention to my verbal AND physical language. READ ME BABY! Hear what I’m not saying out loud. Men, it’s not that we want you to read our minds, just pick up on the signs we are giving. Know me!
- Is keen to details when it comes to getting or doing things for me. It’s the little things! For example, if you know my favorite color is green and I say “hey can you pick me up a notebook while you’re at the store” and you bring me back a green one, that is love.
- Will contribute to the life/lifestyle I wish to have. ie.. He takes me to new and interesting places. Occasionally pays for my nails and hair. Gets me thoughtful gifts every now and then. Buys me flowers every Tuesday (I got this from a movie). Gets me jewelry every Valentine’s day. Plans surprises for birthdays, anniversaries and/or holidays. I know these last 3 are extra but it’s what I want! And this is what I’m expecting from the man I am marrying. So you know, if we are serious serious.
AND THAT’S IT!
Now please know that I am not asking for anything that I wouldn’t do myself. I think it’s because I know I can bring all of this to the table, it’s what I want in return. I don’t want a guy who looks like a model, because I don’t look like a model. I don’t want a millionaire because I’m not a millionaire. I also think some things go unsaid, like if I want a man who is respected, he certainly won’t be a dummy. If he can afford to pay for my nails, he won’t be broke. If he comes from a good family, he most likely will make a good step father for my son.
So I think my list is pretty solid. What do you guys think? Do I want too much? Is there something I’m missing?
Let me know! Would love to see your lists if you have one.