Please, no photos.

My insecurities run deep. After years of being pointed out my flaws, I can’t help but notice them myself.

I have remembered every negative thing someone has said about me and now I can’t unsee (or hear) it.

I have been told I have cankles, that I talk like I have a lot of spit in my mouth, that I’m knocked knee’d, that I look like I have a 5 o clock shadow, that I look a fish, and the predator. That I have bad skin and a long neck. I have only been told all of these things once but they have all stuck.

I have always wondered what about me was unattractive because at first, I didn’t see these things. I think I have always thought of myself as cute but it was the world’s reaction to me that made me think definitely.

Now I notice all my flaws. That’s why I loathe taking pictures, especially when others are taking them.

Looking at videos of myself always puts me in a temporary slump. Why couldn’t I be born with a posé or why wasn’t I taught it? My body language screams dull. I feel like it’s the result of my lack of confidence throughout the years.

Who knew the way a lack of confidence can seek into your pores and manifest into visual representation. I think it is easier for me to spot it now that my confidence is building up. It is not matching what I’m beginning to feel inside and hate that.

I want to go through a complete metamorphosis and morph into a brand new me. A me I am more comfortable being.

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