Happy Thanksgiving, I guess.

This is my first year spending Thanksgiving without my family.

Honestly, I don’t feel like I belong there. I don’t feel like I belong anywhere.

That’s the thing about being true to yourself, it’s harder to fit in.

I spent my Thanksgiving in and out of tears. Trying to figure out what to do with my life. Trying to find a place for me. And I ended up no where.

It’s times like this where I relate to Sam Cooke’s line “it’s been too hard living, but I’m afraid to die because I don’t know what’s up there beyond the skies”.

It feels like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. I’m unhappy here but will I be any happier elsewhere?

I’m over it. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of trying.

I just want to disappear.

I’m starting to believe there is no hope for me. And that I am just a waste of air. I don’t want sympathy. I just no longer want to be here.

My son is the only thing I have and I feel like he deserves so much better than me. But I don’t want to abandon him.

I don’t know what to do anymore.

I want to give up but I can’t because of him.

I am lost.

I am confused.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s